The Limping Church Triumphant

L-ife is to be lived with love as our mandate; but too often,

I-maginations are soiled with the cares and constraints of bolstering up this

M-ansion here, rather than the one

P-prepared for us. Wishing to stay and wishing to go

I-s for those closest to heaven’s door and

N-ot for those distracted with position and purpose,

G-rounded, it seems, in earthly things. And we wound each other with

C-areless words; and we

H-arm the weak and disarm the strong, without

U-nderstanding we are servants one of another, chosen not by destiny but

R-edeemed and uniquely

C-hosen by Christ. He is the One we serve—not ourselves—with grace and

H-umility, forgiving one another, seeking each one’s best.

T-herefore, as God’s people, let us clothe ourselves with compassion; let peace

R-ule our hearts, forgiving all grievances, responding

I-n love as Christ has loved us,

U-nfettered by ambition and pride and blind passion.

M-aster of all, Lord of Your church, it would seem our faith

P-aralysis is not a reflection of You but our

H-alf-hearted devotion, our crippling sins.

A-rise in our hearts; revive your chosen ones that we might

N-ot be so earthbound, but set our hearts on

T-hings above. This is my broken prayer.

***

Colossians 3
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Seeing with New Eyes

 

I had cataract surgery done a week and a half ago. I chickened out last year–something about a knife near the eyes bit! But I was getting desperate, so I did not read any contraindications and just went for it. I had not been able to drive at night for over 2 years, and even daily activities were becoming a strain. I probably should have asked more questions, though, because rather than a piece of cake, this “routine” surgery was more like liver and onions–more uncomfortable than I thought it would be.

I am very chemically sensitive, so having gotten through the procedure with fairly minor and endurable hiccups, the worst part became the reaction to the steroid drops which are needed for speedy healing. This is a five-week process, and I have quite some time to go, but I hope the worst is over.

That was the bad and the ugly. The good part is that somebody turned on the lights! Whites are whiter and colors are brighter, not to mention that everything has distinct edges and not fuzzy, ever-changing ones. The green in the traffic light is . . . well, green green! It is almost like a different color. It is not preferred by me to undergo any surgery, but given the positive change in my sight, I think it was worth it!

My eyes are blue blue again. Haven’t been like this since forever! You don’t think about it because the discoloration and hardening happens slowly over time. Even my own photographic work is brighter and more colorful. And I have discovered I am a much better photographer than I thought. 🙂

We don’t become aware of the hardening process that alters so much of what we see because it happens bit by bit, year by year. And only when it cannot be ignored any longer do we even recognize it is something to be dealt with. I am thinking that is kind of like what happens with our hearts. If betrayals and loss, disappointments and disillusionment build up, then over time the hardening becomes something to radically deal with. It interferes with our ability to prosper and see life and mission clearly. But it starts small, and it builds layer upon layer. I am not sure how to prevent that from destroying my joy, but my desire is that I would become aware of the hurts that bind and settle down into my spirit.

May I hold lightly to pain and hold tightly to renewal is my prayer.

Upside-down World

When what was and now is not happens in a wisp of a moment,

when friends become foes, exchanging their trust for biting and isolating words,

then it is plain to see that we are living in an upside-down world.

When conversations meant to break down barriers instead erect the worst kind of walls,

when what I see and what you see suddenly are

oddly at odds

to the vision once shared,

then it is pain to see that we are as much a part of this upside-down world as everyone we have observed from afar. Tut, tut, what a shame it was. And is.

We are in it, of it, and yearning for all to be made right.

What makes it worse is that the reflection is somewhat like what we hope for; but

in its rippling distortion and everchanging color, what’s hoped for seems like some cruel illusion.

Far off, unattainable, yet present enough to hunger the soul.

======================

Proverbs 13:12 (NLT)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

3-24-18

Have Mercy

Oh, Lord of the broken and heartsick,

of the world weary and tumult tossed,

have mercy.

Oh, Lord of the fractured and failing,

of the wounded and flailing,

have mercy on us.

May our beliefs align with Your truths,

and may our weakness not hinder Your kingdom work

here in this battleground

between earth and heaven,

between the cross and the crown.

Oh, Lord of the blind and beleaguered,

the willing but wanting,

have mercy on us here below.

May our hearts break for the living lost

and our hands be quick to holy tasks

here on this hallowed ground

between world and wonder,

between sacrifice and song.

Oh, Lord, have mercy on us here below we pray.

Once Again

These witchy trees, bare and lifeless, cold and leafless:

One might wonder where life has gone and if all hope is gone,

receded into the dark earth. But

in one moment, that gifted second,

a nub of green sprouts, a speck of promise appears, and the sleeper rises,

stretches to the sky. Renewal happens once again—

from death to life.

That these dormant praises in me would rise again, unchained.

That these sleeping sermons once more would reach my mouth that I may speak of Your wonder,

once again.

These Carnal Threads

I look down at my hands and know that within those tissues and cells, blood is coursing,

coming from,

going to,

minute after minute, circuit upon circuit. But where is my soul in this pink, freckled flesh? Where is my spirit in this troubled, pondering life?

Is the soul hitching a ride on red blood cells as they careen by the white?

Is my spirit holed up in one of my vital organs? My brain, maybe? Concentrated in a command center, overseeing all my worldly cognition. 

Perhaps soul and spirit share space, intertwined in the four chambers of my pulsing heart.

But when the soul is gone, the hands are still there, and even the blood; but what stops really when we say life is gone? As the flesh cools, lying motionless, is the me-part that is really me immediately absent,

or hovering, waiting for further instructions?

It is said to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, but I am wondering when the absent happens. What changes in that one fragile second to another when what was thought alive is now

dead

and these carnal threads release their hold?

3-9-18

Surrender

Surrender feels like failure.

It feels depressing, like giving up.

There is a darkness to it, a weight to it—the unwilling outmanned, outmaneuvered, surrounded, and pressed to defeat.

Surrender feels like exhaustion.

It feels compressing, like yielding up the last breathless bits of me.  

And yet You call me to this laying down of arms jazz

in exchange for Your loving arms.

And I find that surrender to You is not as much giving up as over—not as much failing as falling into a tender pull,

deference to one more wise and able, after all my best ideas have faltered and failed,

after all my excuses have dried in my mouth,

after all my tears have washed away nothing.

It is the unclenching of a fist, the unmasking of a façade.

It is the baring of a war-torn will, the stripping of all that chokes and hinders.

And I find that surrender to You is not as much like crying “uncle,”

but more like a hallelujah.